so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
