Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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