I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
