I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
