We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
