I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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