i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
