his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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