I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize