all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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