Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
