another moral hangover. fuck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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