i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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