Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
