sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
