I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize