what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
