i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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