He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
