I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
