Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
