u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
