From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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