Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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