i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
