Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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