I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
