so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
