bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
