were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
