put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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