Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
