she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
