I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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