i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
