dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
