I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
should my penis look like a turkey
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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