Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
