I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
