Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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