The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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