i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you didnt know i had herpes?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
