In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
