boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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