I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
