Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
