Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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