After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
