yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize