Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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