I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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