Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
