how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
