Your tits are I can't wait for
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
