I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize