I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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