What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
