So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
