when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
