She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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