my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize