I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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