All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
