The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize