im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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