those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
