He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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