Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
