i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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