i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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