Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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