Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
