I will die if light touches me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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