I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
